I am Mela.

For the moment here you find what I think about relationships. From Parent Effectiveness Training: The Proven Program for Raising Responsible Children by Gordon, Dr Thomas (2008-06-03).

A Credo for My Relationships

You and I are in a relationship that I value and want to keep. Yet each of us is a separate person with our own unique needs and the right to try to meet those needs. I will try to be genuinely accepting of your behavior when you are trying to meet your needs or when you are having problems meeting your needs. When you share your problems, I will try to listen acceptingly and understandingly in a way that will facilitate your finding your own solutions rather than depending upon mine.

When you have a problem because my behavior is interfering with your meeting your needs, I encourage you to tell me openly and honestly how you are feeling. At those times, I will listen and then try to modify my behavior, if I can.

However, when your behavior interferes with my meeting my own needs, thus causing me to feel unaccepting of you, I will share my problem with you and tell you as openly and honestly as I can exactly how I am feeling, trusting that you respect my needs enough to listen and then try to modify your behavior.

At those times when either of us cannot modify our behavior to meet the needs of the other and find that we have a conflict-of-needs in our relationship, let us commit ourselves to resolve each such conflict without ever resorting to the use of either my power or yours to win at the expense of the other losing.

I respect your needs, but I also must respect my own. Consequently, let us strive always to search for solutions to our inevitable conflicts that will be acceptable to both of us. In this way, your needs will be met, but so will mine— no one will lose, both will win.

As a result, you can continue to develop as a person through meeting your needs, but so can I. Our relationship thus can always be a healthy one because it will be mutually satisfying. Each of us can become what we are capable of being, and we can continue to relate to each other with feelings of mutual respect and love, in friendship and in peace.

While I have no doubt that this credo, if adopted and practiced by adults in institutions serving youth, would in time bring about constructive reforms, I also realize that such reform may be a long time in coming. After all, today’s adults are yesterday’s children and are themselves the products of ineffective parenthood.

We need a new generation of parents who will accept the challenge of learning the skills for raising responsible children in the home. For this is where it all must start. And it can start there today, this minute— in your home.